Hostile Takeovers from Fractional Aspects of Self

Upon waking this morning I recalled snippets of dreams including writing in my realizations journal in my sleep.

Raederle, October 2017, Writing in her realizations journal, Ithaca, NY, U.S.A.
Instead of going to my dream journal to write my dreams, I went directly to my realizations journal and wrote:
Just because I declare a part of myself dead doesn’t make it so. The temporal aspects of self don’t die in the absence of attention. They simply grow strong in their resentment, in their emotional turmoil. These rejected parts are very strong when they resurface. They can hijack everything because of the force of their emotion.
Emotion is power and strength. It creates willpower to do what is needed to achieve one’s desires. It is the part of self with the strongest emotion at a given time that takes the lead.
Communication between internal parts of self and awareness of parts of self is not enough to prevent a “hostile takeover” from a singular (fractional) perspective within oneself. This sort of takeover can only be prevented by coming to common ground, coming to agreements, and creating internal peace.
A “hostile takeover” can look like sudden depression, angry outbursts, a mid-life crisis, or any emotionally directed change in outlook or direction.
This is why I repeatedly return to similar depression-states that feel exactly the same and have the same perspective. These depressions are “hostile takeovers” from a fractional aspect of myself that is repeatedly rejected and resurfaces in despair. This “repeated rejection” can come in the form of outright denial or suppression, or it can come in the form of neglect; there are certain things I don’t do for myself until I “need” them.

"Give loving attention to your needs."
  • If I don’t take care of myself physically until I get sick, then I need to get sick in order to receive that kind of care from myself.
  • If I decide that my only objectives are (1) being a “good wife,” (2) accomplishing goals, (3) inspiring others, and (4) maintaining good health, completely ignoring any aspects of me that want to have fun or pleasure, then I’ll have to become depressed to the point where I feel no inspiration whatsoever to accomplish anything or take care of myself so that there is no other option but to seek something pleasurable or fun. (This is what happened to be yesterday and has been happening to me repeatedly recently.)
  • If I decide only to speak words that are kind, practical, useful and logical, then I may get a sore throat which only goes away when I finally decide to speak my personal truths – especially those truths which are often neglected, repressed, or ignored. (This has happened to me several times. The first time I was incredibly mystified because no physical treatments were having any impact.)
I decided to share the above excerpt of my realizations journal with you. But this is just one day's realization. Every day I write down my realizations. Many of them are embarrassingly personal. Others are so esoteric that most people wouldn't understand the significance.

"When you are ready to move forward you will feel more keenly all that is holding you back."
And yet, despite that, I've decided to make my full realizations journal available to an exclusive group of especially awesome people who are ready for all that I have to offer – the profound, the mundane, the esoteric, and the personal. Are you one of those people? If so, click here to join me.

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