Thursday, April 20, 2017

Why polyamory? What's wrong with monogamy?

Let me start with the cliché – what is love? This trite question has all kinds of answers. Personally, I've found that it is important to distinguish between unconditional love – god's love, enlightened love, etc – and the typical "every day" love as we know it.

What is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is pure appreciation. Unconditional love has no judgments, resentments, or barter. Most of us have only tasted unconditional love for brief bursts of time. Even parents have conditions on the expression of their love to their children.

What is conventional love?

Our typical love is all about investments and attachments. The more invested we are in someone, the more attachment we have to them – the more we have "at stake" in our relationship with them. When we say we "love" someone, usually what we mean is that we have a tremendous fear of losing our investment in that someone. We come to invest in people that we see high potential in, because we know there will be a good payout on our investment. There is nothing wrong with this. Rumi says that all kinds of love are worth-while, and that the "lesser" kinds are part of our path toward the enlightened, unconditional kind.
Truly, regardless of what Rumi or anyone says, my experience tells me that love is the most worthwhile part of life. I'm sure most of you will agree, particularly parents. I've often thought I wanted to give birth to many children to love. I'm not so sure that I do anymore, seeing as how I've learned the deadly truth about my own capacity for resentment. But if not children, then where to cultivate love in my life?
For me, my most profound love has always included sexuality. I've struggled deeply to find connection with people who I was entirely platonic with. It is an ongoing struggle for me – a struggle that I've stopped struggling with. That is, I am finally starting to accept my own voracious sexuality. I've learned that there really isn't a clear line between friendship and romance.
We're taught by society at large that we're only allowed to romantically, intimately love one person. But how sensible is that, really? Considering that parents love multiple children, and we often love multiple siblings, and we often love multiple friends – clearly love isn't something we share with just one person.

And what does it mean to be romantic or intimate with someone anyway?

What is romance?

Romance, as far as I can tell, is desirable manipulation. It is an agreement to be sweet, kind, and bubbly if spoken to in your love language. Someone who likes the love-language of 'service' best, will be manipulated romantically best through chores, errands, and other favors. Someone who prefers 'words of affection' will be romantically manipulated best through poetry, song, or simple well-considered words and/or love letters. And so on. Romance is manipulation – in a very good way!

What is intimacy

Intimacy is seeing deeply into someone. It is recognizing who someone is on a profound level. In some ways, this writing I'm doing now is inviting you to be intimate with me. I'm giving you a peek into my heart. I very much cherish romance and intimacy both!
If society is telling us that we can only be romantic or intimate with a single soul mate, it is no wonder so many of carry around a terrible burden of shame, because real friendship – even completely non-sexual friendship – is often both romantic and intimate. In fact, as far as I can tell, the best friendships are definitely both. A good friend fulfills needs – listening to your problems, being there for you, and speaking to you in your love language at appropriate times. A good friend knows whether or not you prefer gifts or a foot rub, and will be there to exchange displays of love.

What is the difference between true friendship and your soul mate according to monogamy culture?

After outlining the above, what is left to separate that "one special person" from "everyone else in your life"?
Sexuality. That's all monogamy can really dictate that you're allowed to do with just one person. Because how can we not have romance and intimacy with good friends and family? What would be the point of human connection at all if we couldn't support one another emotionally, come to understand one another, and connect on multiple levels?
If sexuality is what defines your one special person as your one special person, then it seems vital to ask:

What is sexuality?

Touching and suckling breasts can be considered sexual. Or it could be something a baby does to its mother.
Kissing can be considered sexual. Or it could be something one does when one greets one's grandmother.
Dressing in lacy, revealing clothing can be considered sexual. Or it could be part of a child's dance recital.
Being whipped and spanked can be considered sexual. Or it could be childhood punishment. Or domestic abuse.
Even making babies can happen in a doctor's office with a syringe these days!
Now, obviously, there are things that are more inescapably sexual acts, particularly when context is added, but my point is this: Sexuality doesn't have clearly defined boundaries. Neither does friendship. Neither does romance or intimacy. Neither does love itself.
All the limits we find on love are imagined. The limits of our relationships are contrived. There can be sexuality without romance, or romance without sexuality. There can be love without marriage, or marriage without love. There can be friendship with intimacy or without, with romance or without, with sex or without.
Relationships are boundless, limitless things. That puts the normal monogamy paradigm in a new light, doesn't it?
I invite you to explore your own relationship with relationships. Ask these questions of yourself, and have your partner(s) ask these questions of themselves. Then share your answers. Or, do this with friends for an intimate evening of heart-sharing!
  • How have you been limiting your love and restricting your relationships?
  • Who are you limiting or restricting your relationships for?
  • What are the costs?
  • What are the benefits?
  • Do you feel that you’re able to be your authentic self in all of your relationships?
  • How do you define a friendship?
  • How do you define a spouse?
  • How do you define a family member?
  • What do you want most in your relationships?
~ Raederle
The Consciousness Alchemist

Ask Raederle: My girlfriend has been polyamorous behind my back!?

Ask Raederle

Question: My girlfriend has been dating others behind my back. Should I give polyamory a try?

I have been dating a girl for about a year. I was brought up being taught that monogamy is right. After dating my current girlfriend for 11 months I found out that she had dated several other guys throughout our relationship. I was upset and hurt. I felt like I wasn't that important to her and told her so.
She said she loved me but has always liked having more than one partner. She feels that people can love more than one person in a romantic way. She didn't tell me that about herself because she thought I wouldn't be with her if I'd known.
Do you think it was wrong of her to hide her polyamory from me and date other people without me knowing?
Should give that type of a relationship a chance?
Do you think it selfish of me to expect her to be monogamous because I have always been that way?
I talked to a friend of mine who said that morality is subjective, and that I should try to accept how my girlfriend is if I truly love her – which I do. She also said that my girlfriend had a right to date others and show affection because I don't own my girlfriend and can't dictate how and who she shows affection to.
My girlfriend said I can date other girls but I have no desire to do so. I feel weird that she is still dating another guy; I am growing to accept it but sometimes it still hurts.
Do you think monogamy and polyamory are learned ways of thinking? Or are they genetic?
I want to continue being with her and hope I can learn to accept how she wants our relationship to be. She's so important to me and can't see myself without her. I don't want to be selfish or controlling with her and push her away.
If I decide I don't want to date other girls in the future, should I not expect her to be the same?
I'd really like to know your opinion cause you seem like a very enlightened and intelligent person.
— B. D.

Answer: You don't have to be polyamorous just because your girlfriend is.

I think it was wrong of her to hide it from you. Relationships depend on trust. How can you trust someone if they've lied to you and hidden part of their life from you? Even if she identifies as polyamorous, she was still cheating on you, because she made an agreement with you that was monogamous from your standpoint and never mentioned that it might not be monogamous until eleven months into the relationship. There is no question that she broke her monogamous agreement with you and deceived you.
That said, that doesn't mean you should necessarily give up on the relationship. The fact that you wrote to me about it shows me that you love her very much and she must be a very amazing woman that you've taken this blow and still want to make things work.
I can see why she made the choice she did. She started to fall for you, but knew you were unfamiliar with polyamory and not ready for it. So she deceived you so that she could be with you and still maintain her romantic freedom behind your back. Now that she has opened up to you about it, she is doing so in faith that you'll come around and understand. I think it is safe to assume she very much wants your acceptance and forgiveness for her deception.
Trying to convince her to be monogamous would be meeting a wrong with another wrong. When someone comes to discover that polyamory is what they want, and they authentically feel that they need that, trying to change their mind is only going to drive an unfortunate wedge between you. If monogamy is what you want, and polyamory is what she wants, you may still both be able to have what you want.

Poly-Mono Relationships

There are such things as mono-poly relationships. My parents have one. My dad is polyamorous, and my mom is monogamous. My mom doesn't want anyone but my dad. She isn't interested in a sexual relationship at her age and is more interested in her garden than new deep connections. My dad is ten years younger and in excellent health and wants a highly active sex life and new, deep connections. So they talked about it – for months, and years – and they've now settled into being a transparently mono-poly couple. My dad brings girlfriends home to play board games (which my mom loves) and my mom does other things when he goes out dancing or stays out late with his girlfriend.
Another example is a woman who came to the polyamory gathering I attended this past the weekend. She is monogamous, but her partner is poly and has another girlfriend who also came to the gathering. She doesn't think she wants any more partners herself, but she wants to be with her partner over the long weekend, share in his experiences and learn more about his perspective. Another woman who was at the gathering this weekend mentioned that she had started out the same way – attending the gathering as a monogamous person, but now she has multiple partners and loves being polyamorous. She still struggles with jealousy at times, but many people (such as myself) identify strongly with polyamory yet still feel jealousy frequently.

Is polyamory versus monogamy a question of genetics?

In humans, I believe that relationship style is a choice we can make. Some cultures are very open to different marriage arrangements and consider it normal for a monogamous marriage to add a new husband or wife, or for a polyamorous marriage to divide up into monogamous pairings.
However, people have other aspects of themselves – besides what they were taught about relationships– that play into how well suited to monogamy or polyamory.
People who prefer a lot of quiet, zen-like project activities may often be less suited to having multiple partners because they simply want too much time to themselves to have multiple deep relationships. Of course, some poly people don't have any deep relationships. Some have an array of surface relationships that are more about having activities they enjoy doing together than they are about connecting their values, hearts and dreams in a meaningful way.
For me, I'm only interested in relationships that have a high degree of depth, and so considering how much of my energy and time it already takes to have two husbands, I think I will reach my limit when I have three partners. For some people, their max simply may be one person.

B. D. Replies

I think I agree with you when you said she shouldn't have hid it from me about what she wants. I can understand why she did though. Maybe she did the right thing because if she had told me right away I probably wouldn't have accepted it. I got to know her and fell for he, so when I found out I was willing to give it a chance.
The other guys she's dated did know about me and they were polyamorous as well.
I think most likely I wouldn't date other girls so it would be a mono-poly relationship for me.
I have met one of the people she likes and it was weird at first but he actually was nice and I actually like him as a friend.
My girlfriend explained that she likes being close to people with different personalities and interests and who all have different ways of showing affection towards her. She said she thinks she would get bored with only one partner and that it would ruin the relationship but having more she said makes her appreciate the differences in each and keep it exciting.
She did admit that sex is a big reason. That hurt. I know that she did that before I was aware. Her friends knew, and they never told me. I don't know if I'm mad at her friends or not. I feel strange around them.
I really didn't know much about polyamory before I found out she was. It's actually way more common than I would have thought. At least she knows a lot of people around where we live who feel how she does.
— B. D.

Raederle's Reply

B. D.,
It is interesting for me to hear your side of this. I've wondered if I should try meeting people without them knowing about my two husbands and easing them into discovering polyamory – afterall, the dating pool of people who are already polyamorous is fairly small in comparison to the general population.
I'm very pleased to see how well you're handling this. Your connection with your girlfriend must be very strong to have withstood the "big reveal".
Your girlfriend brought up a good point when she mentioned that she likes having different partners with different ways of showing affection. There are many different love languages – touch, words of affirmation, gifts, money, quality time, acts of service and being a good listener. To feel loved regularly in all of those different languages isn't something we can expect from monogamy. In a monogamous relationship we can expect to receive love from our partner in the ways that come naturally to them, and in the ways we clearly communicate that we need. But we can't expect all methods to come naturally to all individuals. Having multiple loving relationships dramatically increases the likelihood of getting all of one's physical, emotional and psychological needs met.
Sex is a big reason for me as well. My first husband (who I've been with since 2009) and I have struggled with being sexually incompatible. Meeting my newer husband (in 2015) helped our relationship tremendously by providing me with a sex life I enjoyed, taking the pressure and guilt off of my first husband. Having unmet sexual needs in a relationship creates a lot of pain for everyone involved, so it can be a major relief to have other options.
There will likely be more challenges for you along the way. Coming to terms with jealousy and where it comes from for you will be a journey. For many, it is a very difficult journey. But it is rewarding, because you get to know yourself and deepen your relationship with yourself through the journey.
— Raederle
The Consciousness Alchemist
Have a question for Raederle? Visit my contact page.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Where is Spiritual Evolution taking us?

If you and twenty other people got in a tour bus in St. Augustine, Florida and then headed north to Atlanta, Georgia, and then further north to Cary, North Carolina, and then on to Philadelphia, and then New York City, and finally on to Boston, what part of the trip would be most important? Would you put Boston on a pedestal because it was the last stop?
Would you conclude that Boston was more important than Atlanta because it was the furthest part of the tour?
When we talk about being "more evolved" or further along our "spiritual path" that does not make us "better" than people who are not where we are. The object isn't to rush ourselves as quickly as possible back into the absolute embrace of oneness. We're material beings because we chose to be. We're at the place we're at because we chose to be.
Just as the point of life isn't to rush to eighty-years-old (or a hundred, or two-hundred), the point of spiritual development isn't to "get farther" or "go higher" or become "better than".

Relativity, Discernment & Judgment

Relativity does exist in our material plane, because it has to. So there are people who are better suited to certain kinds of work. There are things that would be better to do in St. Augustine and things that would be better to do in Boston. If you're looking for sunshine in February, go to St. Augustine. If you're looking for ice skating, go to Boston.
The moment you judge anything at all, you're experiencing relativity. Discernment – language itself – is all about separating one thing from another. Oneness is a great truth; we're here to explore every single facet of what "not oneness" is. Achieving oneness with our consciousness is a great achievement – it feels good. Yet it is no more exalted to achieve oneness in consciousness than it is to experience hatred – from the perspective of oneness. Because within oneness is all. All includes hatred.
It is hard to wrap our heads around it because our heads are designed to discern, separate, and judge. To experience oneness, we have to get out of heads. We have to go out of our minds. We even have to get out our hearts for full oneness, because our hearts shy away from pain and go toward what feels good. The master of oneness consciousness does not even shy away from things that hurt or feel painful.
We exalt our masters of oneness, but we do a poor job of living by their teachings – our own teachings. Our ego wants to find ways to become better than everyone and everything else around us, even if we have to be the best at being humble to do so. If you really didn't believe your way was a better way, you would change.
That's okay. Everybody's way is okay. Including the ways of violence and abuse – from the perspective of oneness.

Your Head, Heart & Body

But remember – your head and heart are not oneness. Your consciousness is oneness, but your body is not. And doesn't it make sense to protect and honor your head, heart and body? Why mistreat them or disregard them? When your heart speaks out against something – do listen! Do not rationalize it away as "unimportant in the absolute sense." That sort of rationalization is just fear talking – fear of taking action clothed in spiritual truth.
If there is any sort of blasphemy, it is clothing our absolute truths around fear and using them as an excuse to not take action in our own defense. Radical acceptance isn't about taking life sitting down. Learning to embrace your neighbor isn't about condoning things that feel wrong to you. Speak your truth and let others speak theirs. And if theirs doesn't agree with yours . . . Then you have to seek your highest calling in that moment to guide you. The only single rule I can give you for how to guide your actions is Presence.

Be Present

Be present with your thoughts. Observe them. Be present with your heart. Feel your emotions. Let them flow. Notice every part of your body and be alert for the tiniest changes in your perceptions. Use all five of your senses and then use even more of your senses. Be present with your aspirations and inspirations. Be present with your dreams when you awaken in the morning. Be present with those you cherish most. Be present with your values. Be present with your actions. Be present with your breathing.
When you are present with all of these things that I have listed (and more), you become a master of discernment. You begin to read body language effortlessly. Subtle hints in tone of voice are unveiled. The mysteries of nature begin to weave their way into your intuitive understandings. You begin to trust your intuition because it becomes stronger and more reliable. When you are fully present the things that you really want become clear. The things that need to be eliminated from your life become clear.
From my discernment, from my material-plane understanding, from my highest calling of head, heart and body – I believe presence is our highest spiritual practice. Presence is the practice of embracing life fully, as a material being with a head, heart and body. And I judge that beautiful. Amen.
So what are the next steps?
  • Learning tools to become more present.
  • Putting forward new cultural norms that serve the highest calling of our material and spiritual values.
~ Raederle
The Consciousness Alchemist

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Living Culture Movement

Cultural norms in America include:
  • Asking a woman if you can buy her a drink in a bar
  • Greeting someone with a handshake
  • Having conversations over lunch or dinner
  • Whistling when something is surprising (like an attractive woman or a large bill in the mail)
  • Chewing on one's lip when uncertain
  • Speaking in euphemisms and hyperbole rather than literally (i.e. "It went a hundred miles over her head")
For every "norm" you'll find hundreds of exceptions, but that's not the point. America, like all other countries in the world, has its own culture. It varies from city to city, state to state. Some of our norms are also the norm in other countries. Most cultures today include talking over food. Very few places have a custom of silent eating, or eating alone. These cultural norms define what we expect when we socialize. They give us an idea of what is considered "okay" and "good" and what is considered "not acceptable" and "bad." When we follow the cultural rules well, we are rewarded with acceptance by the majority of people we encounter. You're relying on them and they're relying on you – to follow society norms so that both of you can rest assured that your behavior is "good."
But what happens when social norms aren't serving you? What about norms that are explicitly hurting or excluding people?
Many books illustrate how today's norms are not as beneficial as they could be. Ishmael and The Continuum Concept are two such books which I highly recommend. Here is an illustration of my own: In today's culture it is normal to offer to share treats with anyone in the room. This tradition goes back to a time before refined sugars were so widely available. It goes back to a time when a "treat" might have been an orange, a sweet potato or a banana. A treat might have been honey-covered nuts at worst. (While nuts and honey both offer health benefits, eating them together is rough on the digestive system.) A treat today can be a lump of chemicals with no food anywhere to found within it. And while you wouldn't offer someone suffering from an addiction to alcohol a shot of vodka, it is perfectly normal to offer sugar addicts a dough-nut. This is one example of how a cultural norm hurts people rather than helping them.
Another example: Sage smudging. This is a practice taken up by many alternative spiritual communities that are springing up to honor and worship in ancient ways. But with so many people developing fume and chemical sensitivities, there are a growing body of people who can't tolerate smoke (myself included). This practice of sage smudging has beautiful origins. However, it comes from a time when the air was pristine, and chemicals were not a part of our lives. In that environment breathing in some smoke wasn't a big deal. In today's crowded cities and chemical-laden environments, adding smoke doesn't increase the spirituality of an experience. This practice (and the practice of burning incense) excludes people who would otherwise love to participate in these spirit-based events.
And, a third example: Silences are considered awkward. Whenever we're in a group, we're expected to all compulsively talk to one another – or all silently tap at our phones. This constant stream of social input – vocal or digital – leaves no room for group introspection. Once upon a time, people could go for a long walk in nature or spend the day fishing and have long silences that were about introspection and absorption of experience. Today these comfortable, introspective silences are much rarer and harder to find. Because of this, our communication is more cluttered up with idle thoughts, logistical questions, and data-based exchanges. We're spending more time talking about unexamined opinions and less time actually having experiences worth talking about. I'm not saying this is everybody, or even you, but it is a growing trend, and an unfortunate one.
Cultural norms fade in and out of dominance or existence altogether over time. In the chart below I've outlined features of the Dying Culture – the existing culture's ways of hurting us, and it's opposing force, the Living Culture – the cultural facets we can normalize to increase our harmony with one another and the earth.
Cultures Dying Culture Living Culture
Yards: Lawns, non-fruiting shrubs and trees Food-bearing gardens of rambling beauty
Love Languages: Largely unrecognized Used as a simple basis for how to give more effectively to one another
Food: 40% corn, wheat, soy, other grains;
40% animal products;
15% sugar, caffeine;
5% vegetables, fruits, nuts
40% vegetables;
40% fruits;
20% nuts, seeds;
5% other;
70%+ raw foods
Attitude: Assuming
Knowing that you're right
Asking
Curiosity toward others
Partying: Drinking, bars, smoking, rough-housing, late nights Board games, fresh juices, kombucha, starting early, starting uninhibited and authentic from the outset
Needs: Feeling ashamed for having needs Expressing needs and having them taken seriously
Group conversation: Competing for your turn to speak Subtly directing others to bring out what you're curious about, and what makes them most excited
Emotional expression: Compulsively smiling, regardless of mood Authentic expression of emotions, including sadness and anger
Minorities: Majority rules over the minority Space is made for the minority to have their needs met
Radical ideas: Shamed Heard, considered
Creativity: Tolerated, sometimes accepted Nurtured, encouraged
Inspired feelings/actions: Approached with skepticism, criticism Met with encouragement and enthusiasm
Efficiency: Achieved through specialization, hurrying, pinching pennies Achieved through diversity, inspired enthusiasm, consciousness
Intuition: Largely ignored, dismissed Used as a basis for making sound decisions
Spirituality: Religious dogma or atheism Life-affirming awareness of self and synchronicities
Conversations: Centered around movies, politics, weather, famous people, personal gripes Centered around personal transformation, inspiring stories, healing/sustaining practices, current feelings
Experimentation: Feared Embraced
Therapy: Endless sessions with little progress, anti-depressants and other drugs Consciousness Alchemy

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

The Fear Behind Patent Laws

Consider baking soda and vinegar. With these two simple one-ingredient products, we can accomplish one hundred and thirty-one household tasks. They're inexpensive and commonplace, yet powerfully effective and useful. Consider aloe vera, a common household plant. The inner fillet of the plant can be used for over thirty tasks.
Just this past weekend I was dealing with some chemical dust on my hands that had them painfully dry and peeling. I went into the bathroom at my parents' house and looked for some oil to put on my hands. Among fifteen different soaps, ten or more lotions, among the shaving creams, the sunblocks, the cosmetics – there was no oil. Frustrated, I went to the kitchen. Ah! There I could find some pure olive oil.
My husband's stomach was upset. He thought psyllium husk would help. Back down to my parents' kitchen. My parents were sure they had psyllium husk. But they didn't. They had several different "blends" of things that included psyllium husk but also contained toxic fillers such as maltodextrin.
These two little instances helped personalize a very global concern. Patent laws. It is because of our attitude and practices around "trade secrets" that everything has to be made out of a "special blend." Clothing made up of 100% cotton, linen or wool are being replaced by trademark blends of viscose, polyester and cotton. Yet polyester is a plastic that contains hormones that disrupt human health, especially for women.
Many of these "special blends" in cosmetics, clothing, and foods do something very special indeed. Some are hiding powerful trade secrets that really make the product shine. Others are only special because of how much they're charging you.
Patent laws were originally created to protect the individual or company that developed an idea from having their idea stolen to the profit of other people or companies. This makes sense if you subscribe to a worldview of separateness, theft, defensiveness, all-men-are-islands, and corporatism. Yet this era is coming to a close. This era has no choice to implode, because a capitalistic model of infinite growth and ever expanding profit margins eventually runs out of things to devour besides itself. Chronic consumption is for the empty.
We're not empty. We're full of life, ideas, and creativity. Our beautiful species is blessed with incredible intuition, knowledge, talents, and skills.

If humanity is so rich, what is holding us back?

What is holding us back now is how tightly we're holding our cards to our chests — our fear of telling our neighbor that our favorite frozen food is on clearance at the local store, because word might spread and then there might not be enough for us — our fear of spreading joyful news, lest other people believe we have too much and want to ask too much from us — our fear of offering what we can give freely and easily because we won't know how to say no when they do ask too much — our fear that there isn't enough for everyone and so we have to stockpile our ideas, resources, friends, and family and jealously hold them close — it is these fears holding us back from fully realizing our potential on this planet today.
There is enough for everyone. It is mathematically proven that there is enough food produced in a tropical forest roughly 200 miles by 200 miles across to feed everyone on the planet. (Actually, some calculations say a much, much smaller area. You can learn more on this subject here.)
People don't starve because there isn't enough food. People starve because of other people's fear of there not being enough.
When tribes war with each other because they're afraid there isn't enough, resources are put into making war instead of education, food production and recreation.
When people are really afraid that there isn't enough, when they hold very jealously onto every resource they can grasp, they become highly destructive. Like when foreign settlers arrive on a tropical coast and cut down all the breadfruit trees in order to make the natives dependent on outside resources.
We've never been short on resources.
Imagine if all the software companies gave their code away to each other for free. Imagine if all the video game companies let each other use the art their artists had created. Imagine if all the car companies got together to design the best car for the planet and for the human, and didn't worry at all about the profit margin. Imagine if all the best professors in the world put out their talks freely on youtube instead of just exclusively at specific universities. Imagine if all books were available as free e-books. Imagine if the profit motive vanished, patent law vanished . . . Within a few years we'd have every home on solar/wind/water power. We'd start focusing on making the best ingredients – the best organic cotton (instead of GMO, pesticide-laden cotton), the best oils (instead of rancid oils that sit on the shelves for months and months exposed to heat and light before they're purchased), the most dynamic games, the most streamlined software, and the most efficient vehicles.
We're wired for survival, so of course our minds are wired to identify problems. When we feel fear or pain, we immediately try to find the source problem. Then we avidly seek to avoid this problem in the future. Unfortunately – for our entire species – we often experienced the biggest pain and fear as a child from lacking something we desperately needed. Perhaps we needed more love, or more nourishment, or more attention, or more empathic teachers, or more protection. Whatever it is was, we decided at that young age that lacking something was a major threat to survival. Therefore, we had to hoard whatever came to us.
To further complicate this psychological trend, it was discovered in the early 1900s that this fear of not-enough-ness could be manipulated. It was first used to manipulate the populace during times of war, but later the same techniques were used in marketing. The simple principle is to find out what you’re lacking emotionally and propose the product as a remedy, or, failing that, to generate a sense of lack in you. This latter technique is especially dangerous.
This fear operates subconsciously in subtle ways, as well as consciously and overtly. It creates wars, and elects people who chronically represent this fear. This fear causes parents and society at large to imbue the next generation with this same fear, and so the cycle repeats through the millennia.

How can we counteract the fear driving our secretive culture?

Instead of copyrighting – copyleft. A copyleft protects a product or idea from being copyrighted, while leaving the source open to everyone.
Instead of holding your cards close, share with others the most remarkable discoveries in your life.
Vote with your dollars and don't settle for poor quality blends of two dozen ingredients.
Go back to simple products like baking soda, vinegar and oil – at least twenty of your household products can be replaced by these three.
Drink more water and eat a hydrating diet – being dehydrated (which most people are) means that your body is in a physical state of lack which will translate to a fear of lack subconsciously which will lead to decisions that seem consciously rational, but are actually rationalized, fear-based decisions.
Become informed about innovative ways to better your life and the planet simultaneously. For example, check out these videos.
Spread the word: there is enough for everyone.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

The Dairy Dilemma & Intuitive Eating

July 2016, I wrote: I have not been vegan since 2013. I started by adding in raw cow's milk in February 2013 when I noticed I was having joint pain. Lytenian (my husband) and I bought a raw cow's milk share – a share of a herd of cow's near Buffalo, NY.
It wasn't very high quality raw milk to be honest. I've had raw milk in various places around the country, and this was by far my least favorite. It made me tired whenever I consumed it, but I stopped having the joint pains and sudden faintness that I'd been having for a few months before having the sudden inspiration to look into raw milk. I stayed 100% raw for a year, as a raw vegetarian who ate raw cow's milk and raw fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts. Then I discovered raw goat's milk while traveling. I loved it. No more tiredness after consuming milk! I could digest it easily, and from healthy goats it actually tastes great – while it’s fresh and raw.
Now, in Ithaca, we go regularly to Side Hill Acres, a goat farm, and I get eight gallons of raw milk in my half-gallon glass mason jars. At home I carefully pour off just enough from each jar so that I can freeze them. Each jar will have six cups raw goat's milk in it. We consume that much most days. And, in 2016, I've also taken to consuming raw cheese on occasion. And even some non-raw cheese. (Oh!gosh!) I know some of you may feel that this means I've "fallen off" the wagon. In some ways, it does mean that. However, I eat a lot more local now – local sheep's yogurt from Black Pearl Creamery, and I buy the raw goat milk at the farm directly. That's a lot less food miles than cashews.
And the cashews aren't actually raw. (They’re steamed out of the shell.) And they're more expensive. And I don't prefer the flavor as much. And they're actually less nutritious and have horrible pH and phosphorous to calcium ratios. And cashews, frankly, upset my stomach. I have to consume enzyme tablets to even eat nuts without getting gas, bloating and extreme fatigue. (Which is why my first recipe book in 2010 was Nut Free Raw Recipes.)
I've come to value intuition and listening to one's body over constructs about "right" and "wrong." Although, to be honest, I never felt it was inherently wrong to kill an animal, since I don't feel it is inherently wrong to kill anything – human, plant, animal, whatever. All value judgments, in my subjective opinion, are subjective.
Okay friends. Now eat me alive.

The Vegetarian Ethical Dilemma

Is consuming dairy just as bad as consuming meat?
Someone pointed out to me that the calves are killed to allow the mother to keep being milked. So my consuming raw goat milk from a local farm is still resulting in animals being killed. This is very true. I've reflected on this many times, and it does make me sad. It doesn't have to be that way, of course. In an ideal world, what might we do differently? And in today's world, what do I do when it comes down to my health or the deaths of baby goats?
I do think there is a more evolved – more enlightened – way of being where we no longer need any animal products. Eventually we spiritually evolve. We stop needing to eat. Even taking the life of a plant is still taking a life, and at some point, when we stop needing to fill the emotional void within us – we no longer need food.
I also believe there comes a time when we experience bliss from kissing and touching and no longer need sex for release or orgasm. We move from orgasms from sex to orgasms from touch, to orgasms from thought. Eventually we reach a state where there is so much bliss in every sensation that orgasm itself is not needed.
Sex becomes something we do only to procreate. But I don't condemn myself or others for using sex for release and pleasure now. For most of us, we're at a place in our spiritual journey where sex is a part of our divine connection to source energy.
I believe there comes a time where we evolve past music. Where the silence is more profound and more beautiful than any instrument (as shown in the movie The Green Beautiful, which was actually banned in France, where the movie was created). Yet, on the way, music is a profound and spiritual experience.
And so, for some people, they're at a place where hunting an animal and eating it is a profound and spiritual experience. For others, it feels wrong. I have a hard time arguing that factory farming is ever spiritual for anyone, but honestly, where is the line we draw in the sand between things we feel lead to our spiritual growth, and things that do not? All "bad" things are part of the lesson that leads us to "good" things.
There comes a time when we choose to avoid all man-made radiation, including cell phones, microwaves, and so on. There comes a time when we choose to live without plastic or other materials with harsh, energy-pulling vibrations. There comes a time when we no longer have excess clutter in our homes and choose to live more simply.
But most of us will not reach all of these vibrational realities in this current lifetime we're living.
There is no benefit to guilt-tripping myself about what feels good or bad to me. (Unless, of course, you count that guilt-tripping myself eventually leads to learning that it is not helping me.)
Guilt-trips mess up my intuitive guidance system. By telling myself that something that feels good is wrong, and something that feels bad is right, I confound my own ability to feel for myself.
That is where people stop being able to use their own moral judgement and have to turn to leaders to direct them. Then people become pliable, easy to manipulate, quick to believe propaganda.
As children our parents said, "I know what is best for you!" and taught us not to trust our own internal guidance systems – our feelings. Because of this, we have a society where people are living lives that don't feel good to them. This, I believe, is the underlying problem.
If everyone lived in accordance with what felt really, truly good to them, then we could all progress much more smoothly down the path of our own individual enlightenment.
Or not. Perhaps we need all this pain, drama, death, and suffering in order to wake up.

And yet, intuition leads me back to veganism . . .

January 2017 I wrote: Since October 2016 I’ve felt inclined to be vegan. No more goat milk, cheese, yogurt or butter. It was a spiritual prerogative and part of my intuitive eating program. These things fluctuate, as they’re meant to. When you’re listening to your body and your emotions – more than you’re listening to your programming – you change and grow a lot. I believe this is a good thing.
For a much more in-depth look at the ethics around veganism, read my dissertation covering:
  • What is a vegan?
  • Should vegans worry about hurting plants?
  • Is factory farming the main reason to avoid meat?
  • Ignorance Is Not Bliss
  • The Importance of the Veggie Community
  • Choosing Healthful Ecological Fabric
  • The Cycle of Fear
  • The Big Picture
  • Reducing Waste & Healing the Planet
  • Advertising — Your ticket to debt and depression
  • Waste Not, Want Not — The Crucial Key Is Efficiency
  • What else is inefficient?
  • Monocrops: A terribly inefficient farming technique
  • Cob: A highly efficient architectural alternative
  • Beyond Veganism
Live consciously.
~ Raederle

Thursday, February 2, 2017

The Ultimate Nutrition Reference with over 30 ground-breaking charts

Do you suffer from any of the following?
  • Aching joints
  • Back pain or shoulder pain
  • Sinus infections
  • Headaches
  • Constipation
  • Mood swings or depression
  • Muscle cramps
The above are common problems caused by nutritional deficiencies. These problems are more than rampant. One could say that America (and much of the world) has a nutritional deficiency epidemic.
(Try saying nutritional deficiency epidemic ten times fast...)
To mitigate this problem, more than 50% of Americans take a multi-vitamin daily. What they don't realize is that most multi-vitamins are a load of synthetic vitamins that are not available for absorption.
It's kind like someone giving you a fortress at the north pole...
Do you want a fortress in the north pole?
It could be the best fortress in the world, but it's of no use to you. You can't get to it, and even if you could get to it, there would be no shipping to you, no visitors, no employment and you'd likely starve. A fortress in the north pole is no fortress.
Many synthetic vitamins are the same to your body. They are not vitamins at all. They are just waste to be eliminated. (They're actually worse than your fortress in the north pole since you don't actually have to do anything about that fortress. The synthetic vitamins, however, must be acted upon by your body.)
Supplement technology has improved and it is now possible to buy high quality supplements that really benefit you in remarkable ways. However, this isn't within everyone's budget. It costs a lot more to buy all the vitamins and minerals you need in supplements than it does to buy it in food, and you're going to eat anyway.
You might as well eat your nutritional needs, right?
One out of three people are affected by vitamin and mineral deficiencies, according to the World Health Organization. I'd say that all people are affected by them, since it hurts us to see our loved ones suffering from constant chronic pain.
The good news is that you can eat your way out of pain. And better yet, you can do it without a limiting diet and without expensive trips to a nutritionist, doctor or other specialist. I'll get to that in a minute.
Another reason to not rely on supplements (besides budget): There are trace minerals in food that aren't found in supplements. Beyond that, there are compounds unknown to modern science that could have a significant impact on your health. If the compound is not yet identified by humankind then there is no way to put it into a supplement.
Eating a variety of foods is important to consume known (and unknown) compounds that impact human health.
Over the past year I've compiled a massive amount of nutritional data, comparing foods of like kinds. I've compiled this data into a book that will give you exactly what you need to solve any nutritional deficiency.
Better yet, you don't even have to read much of it to get started immediately. The charts speak for themselves. Just seek foods you like in the charts and then look at their nutritional content and see where your needs and your likes intercept. It's that easy!
"Its only been a week and I feel great. I finally found a lifestyle change that I completely love, and will be able to commit to long term. I love the foods, I'm sleeping better at night, and I feel better both physically and mentally. Thank you for everything, you've had such a wonderful impact on my life. I can hardly find the words to say to show you my appreciation. Thank you!" ~ Tina Louise, Buffalo, NY (April 2012)
With this book, you'll be able to answer difficult questions like these easily:
  • Which roots are highest in iron?
  • What vegetables are highest in protein?
  • For someone dealing with stomach ulcers, which foods are extremely low in both protein and fat?
  • Which foods are low calorie and high in potassium?
  • What fruit has the best omega-3 to omega-6 ratio?
  • What foods are best for getting a lot of calcium without too much phosphorous?
And so on and so on.
Like you, I wanted answers to these questions. I sought such charts on the web, yet failed to find any. Apparently, they have not be made before! To get the answers I had to spend a year compiling the data.
I'd like to present to you the solution to the mystery of vitamins and minerals found in foods:
"OMG I am positively awed by your book. It's amazing! So packed full of information! It is such a great reference book. This work deserves recognition! It is fabulous on all counts Raederle!"
- Toni Vandyke, September 16th 2012, Buffalo NY
Excerpt from the introduction:

Comparing Apples to Apples

"Why compare foods by calorie?"
It is inappropriately to compare foods by volume. There is no sense in comparing a half cup of almonds to a half cup of lettuce.
Nuts are dense, hard to digest, subject to mold, high-calorie, slow down detoxification, high in fat, hard to harvest, expensive at the grocery store, rarely genuinely raw, and so forth.
Lettuce is a leafy green that is high in water content (not dense), low in fat (easy to digest), always purchased raw, easy to harvest, and suitable to be the bulk of a human's diet.
Half a cup of lettuce is only four calories! That's hardly a drop in the bucket. You're going to consume a minimum of 800 calories even on an extremely low-calorie juice fast, and usually we'll consume 1500 to 2500 calories in a day. An athlete will consume 3000 to 10,000 calories in a day. Half a cup of lettuce is nothing when you're talking thousands of calories.
Why compare that to a half cup of almonds which is over two-hundred-and-fifty calories? That's a tremendous amount of dense protein and fats to consume in one sitting. That's way more nuts than is appropriate for most people to consume.
If we concluded that almonds were superior to lettuce due to a comparison like that, we'd be making a very skewed conclusion.
When we compare by volume across different types of foods, we're doing much worse than comparing apples and oranges.
Comparing almonds and lettuce by volume:
In a half cup of lettuce you'll meet about 2% of your nutritional needs for the day. In the half cup of almonds you'll meet about 24% of your nutritional needs for the day – including getting over 500% of the omega 6 needed for a full day.
Almonds sound good when I put it that way, but that isn't a fair way to put it.
Comparing almonds and lettuce by calorie:
In just thirty-one calories of lettuce you'll meet 12% of your nutritional needs for the day. In thirty-one calories of almonds you'll only meet 4% of your nutritional needs for the day.
What a huge difference it makes to compare by calorie instead of volume!
Almonds take more than four times as long to digest for only a quarter of the nutrition! Now almonds are looking pretty inferior, aren't they?
And I'm just comparing almonds to lettuce; imagine what happens when almonds are up against kale, chard, watercress, dandelions or radishes...!
Think about it this way. You're likely only going to eat 1200 to 2500 calories in a day. If you eat 2000 calories worth of nuts, seeds, grains and beans, you absolutely will not get enough beta carotene, vitamin c, vitamin k, calcium and many other important nutrients and antioxidants. This is a fact. I've tried combining quinoa with almonds and walnuts and a Brazil nut for selenium, etc, to come up with some combination where you could meet your nutritional needs with nuts, seeds, grains and legumes, and it isn't possible.
The seeds category of foods (which includes legumes, nuts and grains) is great for a few particular things: zinc, selenium and Omega fatty acids. However, you can get those three nutrients and everything else seeds have to offer from vegetables. Seeds are a high-calorie food and that is their main asset. Raw energy in the form of calories.
Why do I say that?
Because vegetables are only deficient in calories. You can meet all of your nutritional needs in only eight hundred calories of vegetables per day. That's it! It takes 3000 calories of fruit to meet all of your nutritional needs in a day. It wouldn't be possible with seeds or animal products whatsoever, with any amount of calories.
The charts in this book will help you understand what I'm telling you in much greater depth.
We're putting foods on a level playground by comparing like-foods (fruits to fruits and greens to greens) as well as by giving overall comparisons for individual nutrients.
After all, almonds and lettuce do not take the place of each other no matter how you slice it.
You may choose lettuce or spinach; sunflower seeds or chia seeds; avocados or olives; a zucchini or a cucumber – but you won't say “Do I want to eat walnuts today or kale?” They can not take the place of one another, no matter what volume you eat.
Trying to meet all of your energy needs (your calorie needs) with kale is just as crazy as trying to meet you nutritional needs with almonds.
Animal products and seeds are in the same category together: calorie sources. That is their main place in history and their main place today. They are preservable calories that can be kept throughout the winter to stave off starvation. Throughout history we have preserved nuts, seeds, grains, legumes, dried meet, and cheese for the purpose of survival through the hard times.
If you want an optimal experience of life you'll need the most diverse diet you can attain.
There are compounds in foods that are rare. The lycopene found in tomato skin is unusual, the bromelain found in pineapple core is unusual, the papain found in papaya is unusual. You're not likely to get these beneficial compounds if you never eat tomatoes or pineapples or papaya. There are unusual beneficial properties in a tremendous variety of foods. To get these benefits you must eat a tremendous variety of foods.
This does not mean you should eat poisons in moderation.
What I am proposing is not “all things in moderation.”
That is incorrect.
It is “all good things in moderation” and poisons are never good.
My charts contain foods that are most certainly good, especially if they are fresh and organic or better yet – home grown or wild.
Perhaps most importantly, these charts contain foods that are commonly consumed and available at your local produce store.
What you'll find in this information-loaded book:
32 incredible charts including 15 charts comparing foods by their type. These first 15 charts contain:
  • 10 Fresh Sweet Fruits
  • 10 Sub-Acid & Fatty Fruits
  • 10 Fresh Berries
  • 10 Melons
  • 8 Dried Fruits
  • 8 Seeds
  • 8 Leafy Greens
  • 8 Root Vegetables
  • 10 Sprouts
  • 10 Fresh Herbs
  • 10 Dried Herbs
  • 8 Cruciferous Vegetables
  • 10 Other Veggies & Squash
  • 10 Nuts
  • 10 Grains
For a total of 140 different whole foods!
This is a much greater variety than most people consume in the course of a year.

This book will accommodate picky eaters!

These foods are analyzed in these 30 areas: calories, fat, protein, water content, starch, B1, B2, B3, B4, B5, B6, B9, A, C, E, K, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Manganese, Phosphorus, Potassium, Selenium, Zinc, Protein, Lysine, Omega-3, Omega-6 and in their ratios of Omega 3 to Omega 6 as well as their Calcium to Phospherous ratios.
This book will equip you with the precise information you need to solve your individual nutritional needs – without consulting a specialist at the rate of an $arm-and-leg per hour.
In addition, Vitamin Confusion Solution contains 16 charts showing the foods from highest to lowest in each of these categories (for easy trouble-shooting of a known deficiency):
Thiamine, Niacin, Riboflavin, Pantothenic Acid, Pyridoxine, Beta-Carotene, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Selenium, Zinc, Protein, Omega 3 to Omega 6 ratio, Calcium to Phosphorus ratio.
In some of these charts even more than the original 140 foods are included.
There is also a summary of conclusions that can be drawn from the charts included.
That's:
  • Over 140 foods analyzed
  • Across 30 nutritional categories
  • In 32 easy-to-understand charts

Solving a nutritional deficiency will become straight forward with this book!
No more mystery, and no more reading vague articles that claim a certain food is "high" in iron. No more incomplete information floating around in your brain confusing and clouding your decisions. You'll be able to act with certainty. No more hours seeking answers without finding concrete information.
These charts are based on the official USDA suggested daily allowances and food data, but compiled as you've never see them before.
"How do I know what nutritional deficiency I might have?"
Scroll down to learn about analyzing probable deficiencies. Or, if you already know about your deficiencies and are ready to solve them, buy now.
For a limited time, this book can be bought in a collection for a significant discount with my nutritionally complete meal plans and recipe book. Click here to learn more about getting the whole collection or scroll down to get Vitamin Confusion Solution.
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"How do I know what nutritional deficiency I might have?"
Well, that's fairly easy. You can get a blood test and have your levels checked which is fairly inexpensive and sometimes even covered by health insurance. Here is an easy way to start: See which cluster(s) of symptoms below sounds like your own symptoms.

Calcium Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • Joint popping
  • Back pain or shoulder pain
  • Weak, flimsy fingernails


Severe case:

  • Bone pain or bone tenderness
  • Muscle cramps
  • Stooped posture
  • Bone fractures

Iron Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • Fatigue
  • Dizziness
  • Irritability
  • Weakness
  • Brittle or grooved nails


Severe case:

  • Pica
  • Pallor
  • Hair loss
  • Restless legs syndrome
  • Impaired immune function
  • Painful atrophy of the mucous membrane covering the tongue, the pharynx and the esophagus

B1-B9 Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • Depression or apathy
  • Skin irritation
  • Sunlight sensitivity
  • Fatigue
  • Aggression or irritability
  • Increased heart rate
  • Muscle cramps
  • Hypoglycemia (increased insulin sensitivity)
  • Headaches


Serve case:

  • Sore tongue
  • Convulsions
  • Tingling, swelling or loss of feeling (sensation) in hands and feet (numbness)
  • Loss of muscle function or paralysis of the lower legs
  • Mental confusion/speech difficulties
  • Involuntary eye movements (nystagmus)
  • Vomiting
  • Red skin lesions
  • Insomnia
  • Mental confusion
  • Diarrhea
  • Dilated cardiomyopathy
  • Behavior disorders
  • And even: Dementia and schizophrenia

Magnesium Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • Hyperexcitability
  • Dizziness
  • Muscle cramps
  • Muscle weakness
  • Fatigue


Severe case:

  • Hypocalcemia
  • Low serum potassium levels (hypokalemia)
  • Retention of sodium
  • Low circulating levels of parathyroid hormone (PTH)
  • Muscle spasms
  • Loss of appetite
  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Personality changes
  • Death from heart failure

Potassium Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • Elevated blood pressure
  • Endlessly dehydrated (always thirsty)


Severe case:

  • Muscular weakness
  • Myalgia
  • Muscle cramps
  • Constipation

Vitamin C Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • Lethargy, malaise and fatigue
  • Skin spots


Severe case:

  • Spongy gums
  • Abundant spots on legs
  • Pallor
  • Depression
  • And even: teeth loss, fever and death

Vitamin A Deficiency Symptoms

The World Health Organization estimates 13.8 million children to have some degree of visual loss related to a Vitamin A deficiency.

Mild case:

  • Difficulty adjusting to changes in light
  • Night blindness


Severe case:

  • Impaired immune function
  • Cancer
  • Failure to produce tears
  • Loss of vision

Zinc Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • White spots on the nails
  • Slow healing cuts, scrapes and bruises
  • Acne


Severe case:

  • Skin lesions
  • Diarrhea
  • Abnormal taste and smell function
  • Poor memory

Omega 3 Deficiency Symptoms


Mild case:

  • Fatigue
  • Dry skin
  • Eczema
  • Mood swings or depression
  • Poor circulation


Severe case:

  • Poor memory
  • Immune weakness
  • Hair loss
  • Heart problems
  • Reproductive problems

Ready to be rid of these pesky debilitating problems?

Buy now:
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I wish you a life free from nutritional deficiencies and abundant in vitality!
~ Raederle

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